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Daniel of Doulogos Name:Daniel
Home: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
About Me: I used to believe that evolution was reasonable, that homosexuality was genetic, and that people became Christians because they couldn't deal with the 'reality' that this life was all there was. I used to believe, that if there was a heaven - I could get there by being good - and I used to think I was more or less a good person. I was wrong on all counts. One day I finally had my eyes opened and I saw that I was not going to go to heaven, but that I was certainly going to suffer the wrath of God for all my sin. I saw myself as a treasonous rebel at heart - I hated God for creating me just to send me to Hell - and I was wretched beyond my own comprehension. Into this spiritual vacuum Jesus Christ came and he opened my understanding - delivering me from God's wrath into God's grace. I was "saved" as an adult, and now my life is hid in Christ. I am by no means sinless, but by God's grace I am a repenting believer - a born again Christian.
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Daniel's posts are almost always pastoral and God centered. I appreciate and am challenged by them frequently. He has a great sense of humor as well.
- Marc Heinrich

His posts are either funny or challenging. He is very friendly and nice.
- Rose Cole

[He has] good posts, both the serious like this one, and the humorous like yesterday. [He is] the reason that I have restrained myself from making Canadian jokes in my posts.
- C-Train

This post contains nothing that is of any use to me. What were you thinking? Anyway, it's probably the best I've read all day.
- David Kjos

Daniel, nicely done and much more original than Frank the Turk.
- Jonathan Moorhead

There are some people who are smart, deep, or funny. There are not very many people that are all 3. Daniel is one of those people. His opinion, insight and humor have kept me coming back to his blog since I first visited earlier this year.
- Carla Rolfe
 
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Thursday, October 19, 2006
Faithful is He
By the time I got home from work I was out of fellowship with the Lord, and running like Adam in the garden - having a Daniel sized pity party about what a mess I can be sometimes.

No fooling. My poor wife has been turning the house upside down trying to find our eldest boy's birth certificate (we will be crossing into the US tomorrow to bolster the US economy with our weak Canadian Dollar), and so I entered into the fray as well. I spent a couple of frustrating hours looking in the same places over and over again, and was more or less convinced that my wife had likely thrown it out months ago by accident. We had a late, casually brief supper, wherein I said a stilted, formal grace, feeling in my heart that I was miles from where I ought to be spiritually - and forcing myself, by habit, to mean what I was praying, and to properly regard whom it was I was praying to.

I hate the feeling that you have to change gears to pray - I prefer when prayer is as natural as the next breath.

The search continued after supper, but we were on the verge of being seriously short with one another. The kids seemed to sense this, because they became suddenly needy, and loud. I just wanted to get out of the house, and get on my knees somewhere and have some quiet time with my God.

But there was no time for that. Sometimes it works like that - you want to have a spiritual retreat, not that a spiritual retreat will do anything for you - but because you think that if you just had the time you would suddenly be extra spiritual and everything would be right in your walk. But you can't get the time, so you feel justified in staying in your rut.

So I put myself to the task of looking for the birth certificate once again. But I had that nagging sense that I ought to pray. I didn't want to, but I did - my prayer was simple. Not "Dear Lord, come down here and be my servant and bail me out of my troubles!" but some thing where my heart was saying, "I have nothing, I am nothing, I am less than nothing, having been so far away when you have been so loving and gracious." But my mouth just asked God to be merciful to us. It wasn't a long prayer, and not the most articulate - nor was it the deepest prayer I had ever prayed, in fact, I felt that other than throwing myself wholeheartedly on God's mercy in spite of my lame "feelings" - I more or less felt just as far from the Lord as I had before - except that I felt that satisfaction of knowing that I hadn't denied the Lord a chance to be glorified even in this menial thing.

Of course, in less than a minute I was in a box that my wife had packed away months before. There was nothing special about the box, and I don't know why I went to the box - but I dug in, and it was the first thing I pulled out.

Of course, my heart sank in my chest - in utter shame.

How loving and great my God is, to show such mercy to his children - not because we are good, but because he is good. I gathered my family around after that, and we all prayed - not the far away prayer of the lonely soul calling out to the God who feels miles away - but the thankful heart of a servant who is reminded that he serves an utterly faithful God.

So I thought I would mention that - not to bask in the humiliating confession that I was spiritually out of sorts today - but rather to give glory to my God who had mercy on me in this small way - it is more humbling than the story can tell, I love God so much.
posted by Daniel @ 9:36 PM  
2 Comments:
  • At 10:26 PM, October 19, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey guys, we lost all five of ours a few years ago, right before a scheduled trip to Regina via the U.S. We were not confident about getting across at Windsor, so we went five hours out of our way around the EAST end of Lake Erie. We figured if they didn't let us through at Niagara Falls then at least we wouldn't have to go ten hours out of our way backtracking from Windsor.

    We got to go on a delightful detour, and went to the Lucille Ball museum in Jamestown NY (my daughter is a huge fan). We got to stand on a strip of rock near Sandusky OH as the waves whipped up by a passing tropical depression crashed in. It was wondrous, and we would have missed it if we hadn't lost our birth certificates.

    But to my discredit I wasn't wise enough to be ashamed of the "grouchy" way I had reacted when we lost them.

    Thank you Daniel.

     
  • At 9:46 AM, October 20, 2006, Blogger Jim said…

    I can definitely relate to this experience. It has come down to a prayer of submission many times as well, before I have found things.

    It seems we want to carry on in our own strength and wisdom, until finally we realize that it is not possible.

     
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